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3 Big Mistakes You Can Make When Writing Your Birth Plan

I know you’ve probably heard how birth plans don’t work, or to toss it right into the trash because that’s where it’s going to end up, but hear me out.

It’s not that birth plans “don’t work” OR that “birth is unpredictable”...

It’s that the WAY you’ve been taught how to make that plan actually disempowers you in your birth experience.

It’s because you've been taught to pick from a list of menu options, and not everyone will tell you that there’s way more on offer in your birth experience than what’s on that birth plan template or checklist.

So unless your goal is a heavily managed birth where your care provider calls all the shots and just does whatever they think is "medically necessary" even when it's not, then you're going to want to read on because these are the 3 Biggest Mistakes you can make in writing a birth plan for a true physiological birth


Many people will argue about this, because in their minds you could develop any number of complications that would derail your birth plan if you create it too soon.

But I disagree.

In fact, I feel that it’s all the more reason to think about what you want in your birth as early into your pregnancy as possible!

Actually, it’s even better to think about what you want before you get pregnant!

But I know that pregnancy isn’t always planned, and sometimes you barely thought about the birth experience prior to finding out you’re expecting.

And I also know that you might be sitting here reading this in your third trimester and freaking out because you don’t have your birth plan yet!

Well, if that’s you, then I want to share some wise words with you: The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, and the next best time to plant one is now.

That means that wherever you are in your birth planning, if you start right now, then you will be further ahead tomorrow than you would be if you had never found this article.

So from this point onward, I want you to let go of any shame or guilt you might have for not having done this earlier, or with your first pregnancy, or before you even planned to have a baby at all.

It’s okay. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You can move forward and learn a new way to plan your birth with power, and have more confidence to go for what you want.

And speaking of what you want, that leads us to...

MISTAKE #2: Focusing On What You DON’T Want

I cannot even count how many times I see negative language like "no" and "don't want" in birth plans.

On the surface, it looks pretty harmless, but here’s the thing that you might not realize:

There is POWER in how we say things.

In fact, your words can become your reality!

If you aren’t familiar with the concept of the Law of Attraction, let me break it down quickly for you:

What you focus on gets stronger.

So if you’re thinking “I don’t want an episiotomy” what happens is that your brain will interpret that without the negative word “don’t”.

And what will be more likely to happen is that your own subconscious mind will betray you into getting the very thing you didn’t want, or it will come very close to happening.

This isn’t the only reason you want to avoid negative language though.

Think about how negative messages make you feel when you read them:

“Not Allowed”

“No Food or Drink”

“Don’t Get Your Hopes Up”

How does that feel?

Not very good, right?

That’s because we don’t like being told “NO”.

It’s in our DNA, and we bristle at the idea that someone else gets to tell us what to do.

Now, I’m not going to justify the actions of care providers, who hear your “NO” and take it as a direct challenge to their authority.

That’s still wrong, and there is never any justification for abuse of power.

Furthermore, you have rights!

So when a care provider hears you say “NO” and then does it anyway, or they tell you that you “have to” or are “not allowed”, they’re actually doing something illegal.

That being said, let’s talk about the other care providers.